I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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