it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
