i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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