Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
