OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
