Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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