Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
