Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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