ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
