and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
