So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
