they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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