whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
