So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
