No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
