I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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