I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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