32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Randomize
