During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
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