apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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