Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
