After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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