Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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