Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize