tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
