so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
