just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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