Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
