if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
