You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So. Much. Porn.
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