I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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