I think my fart just growled at me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
