everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
