u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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