There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's the barista slut.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
