Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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