So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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