were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
