East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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