So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
