haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
