i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
