I think im going to throw up on grandma
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
