I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
