is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
