The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
