I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
