I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
