1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
