i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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